How to lose friends and irritate people–on Facebook

Well, first a confession: The amount of time I spend on facebook is beyond criminal. certainly more hours than facebook employees. Mark Zuckerburg recognised my contribution to facebook IPO success and offered me stocks. Wise sense prevailed and I turned down his offer-look at what happened to the script post IPO.

The best aspect of facebook is that it offers husbands a chance to express themselves. 2nd best is building brands using facebook. And almost all succeed in building brands on facebook with a few managing to build exceptionally strong brands of themselves as uncrowned kings of irritation. Here are the ones who take the cake at irritating and exactly how they bake that cake.

The "celebrity" friends

Well, not the real celebrities; real celebrities are down to earth or at lease humble. But these crown gems of irritation hallucinate they are God's chosen one and have the divine right to speech and preach. They punch

a post an vanish, never bothering to respond to others' comments or even acknowledging comments with "Like". Obviously they never "Like" anyone else's post.

Even if their posts may invoke single digit "Like"s anD comments, they never give up their attitude. For them, facebook is not a social networking site but a sermon slot, a politician on stage out to deliver speech or sermon. They have combined attitudes of Amitabh Bachchan, Narendra Modi and Sri Sri minus the stature and devoid the humility.

At times these "pseudo-celebrity" facebookers manage to create an uncontrollable urge within me, a follower of Gandhi (Mahatma, not ...), to punch and break their nose.

Obtuse Angles (not angels)

These "friends" disagree on everyone's post. Speaking about my personal experience with them, they trash my views on everything, hate me, but still continue to "friend" me. At times they attack me with acerbic remarks for their 2 seconds of glory as Kshitij M Kotak basher. I sometimes fan their comments so that they bash me even more and make a fool of themselves and be a source of free entertainment to all my other facebook

"friend"s. I am waiting for the day when these people will create a facebook page : "Kshitij M Kotak haters club". I look forward to "Like" that page, whenever it comes up, and promise to read all notifications.

Polson

Polson facebookers "Like" whatever my post-one even "Like"d my 11 minute long video within seconds of my posting it. Without viewing, obviously. Did he see it before it was filmed? But even though such people are irritating... I love them. They even "Like"d my dad's obituary last year. God bless them with rare sense.

In this era though, I am scared about their intentions; "Why are they buttering me up? What would they want of me?"

Sellebrities-not Celebrities

The Sellebrities are unabashed salesmen who think it is their divine right to shamelessly, unflinchingly and uninterruptedly promote their product or service. For them, facebook is high street and they behave like road-side hawkers on that high street. Each of their post is a boast; in fact that is all they ever post! Some manage to send you continuous messages on facebook with promotional stuff.

I agree, facebook is an excellent medium to market, but just promotional posts!!! Would people read those at all!?

Facebook is a social engagement medium, not a bill-board. My friend Sasi Gade of Gade Autonomous Systems builds marketing robots and at times I feel these facebookers are his robots on the loose. If they are Gade Autonomous robots, I will punch Sasi's nose. Sasi, you better watch out.

Super-sellebrity and Dumb Devotees

These are THE MOST IRRITATING and MOST LAUGHABLE types respectively. If the "Celebrities" mentioned in 1st category take the cake in irritating me, "Supersellebrities" take the cake, the baker and the bakery.

"Super Sellebrities" are "Sellebrities" with an army of followers. These two-pence, idiotic retards will notonly have all features of "Sellebrity", not only gas continuously, but also their subjects, their "Dumb Devotees", "Share" whenever and whatever they gas making the entire fraternity a pungently polluted platoon that should be booked for severely impeding facebook

ecosystem. 

Usually "Dumb Devotees" are members of a common interest or business group, or part of a company headed by the "Super Sellebrity". These devotees are so dumb, they suck up to "Super Sellebrity" in the hope that their devotion will be blessed by a reciprocal "share" or at least a recognition. Never happens. Instead, these "Dumb Devotees" make a laughing stock of themselves as they take in all the gas and proclaim it to the world as an aroma from heavens showered by their "Super-sellebrity" Almighty God.

I sometimes have an itch to hand out "Supari" (contract to kill) for the "Super-sellebrity" and book mental asylum for "Dumb Devotees". My take on these irritating categories of facebookers is simple. While personally I am convinced that human beings are rounded, there is also a psychological

evidence that people love people like themselves.

Irritating facebookers listed are single track and others just can't identify with them. Are you haunted by any of these irritating facebooker

categories? Which facebookers irritate you most? Write to me. I await your replies.

ABOUT the author

Kshitij M Kotak is a Thinker, Thought Ignitor, Writer, Speaker, Thought Leader. He conducts seminars and corporate workshops: "Swear By The Deep Sea". He is also an innovator of BLACKBOX Data Safe, a Data-On-

Demand system that he sells through channel partners.

You can follow him on Twitter: @kshitij_kotak